So, this started off as a really long IG post about a month ago. For whatever reason, IG didn’t want to let me post the pic … I took it as some sign not to say what I had to say. But … most of you who know me know I don’t hold words for long. And since it’s October … and since October’s been a month of A LOT of shifting and changing in and for me … I think I’m just gonna go ahead and use these last few days to say and do what I want. So basically … don’t expect these next few days of blogs to have any attachment to your daily life … other than … well, if I’m feeling these things, I’m assuming you’re feeling them too.
Basically just expect these next few days to be The Slightly Shady Super Smiley Girl’s Guide to Getting Through It. K?
So … here’s the thing. I’m using this picture of me, smiling, and full of myself … facing someone I love who loves me mutually … bc … this is how I see myself in the world: a bright and shining star sharing light. But, you know this already.
But you know what’s incredibly hard to ignore? I’ll tell you.
It’s hard to ignore how sometimes, no matter how amazing you feel about yourself - no matter how much light you work to share with the rest of the world - some folks are so very unhappy with themselves that they are constantly unhappy with you … even when you’re unhappy. In fact, particularly when you’re unhappy … maybe not as much as when you’re actually happy, but in an incredibly unique way when things are particularly rough for you.
Now, I know you’re saying, “khoLi, where in the world is this going? is this another hater blog?”
Well, not exactly. This is a “sometimes it’s really easy to understand why Beyonce made ‘Bow Down’ and 'Flawless’” blog.
So, I’ll go ahead and say that … this blog isn’t for everybody … namely the people who can’t understand why a person who seems to have everything would need to speak out to a person that has … so very little in comparison.
This blog is really for the person who understands how much effort it takes to appear to have … everything … the baby, the career, the man, the family, the love, the spare time projects, the down time, the energy to enjoy the downtime,
the energy to document it for all the unhappy bitches who need to be shown what joy is … etc …
This blog is for the carefree black girl, brown girl, white girl, RoyGBiv girl, who understands exactly how much effort it takes to maintain your own survival in a world looking to eat you a live and spit you back out as some inferior and insecure form of yourself every day.
And it’s for you, because you know that even when life is hard, you have you and your hope and your joy … and in the best of times … your smile.
So remember, this is about you. Like Mya.
But with lasting relevancy.
It’s not about any of these people listed below, but I shall name them so
(you don’t have to) that you can know from whom to steer your brilliant shining self away.
It’s not about:
- the person who told your ex that your social media posts (involving basic things like food, nature, your home, your basic state of being, etc) were about or directed towards (with assumed malice) … your ex. they tried to make it about them and their feelings because they have minimal understanding of … well … their feelings … and as such, they couldn’t possibly understand how you … as a human being … an individual responsible for yourself … have struggled to be able to make sure that your happiness isn’t affected by the presence (or lack their of) of a romantic partner. they couldn’t possibly understand that maybe that day, celebrating the fact that you had made yourself breakfast or finished a book or gotten through your work was, perhaps, the most you had to celebrate that day. they tried to minimize this or take your light and make it dark. but, no worries. in fact, they weren’t saying that to hurt you, they were saying that to help your ex … bc sometimes truth hurts and so many of us avoid it. so like, just, totally pray for this person. some day, they, too, will look toward the light.
- the person who constantly stalks your social media, hating all your selfies, waiting for you to show the world that life is hard for you and that you are like every body else suffering/complaining in public on FB. but the thing is, you’re not like every body else. and they don’t understand that. so do them a favor: take a pic like the one at the top of this post … and then go ahead and post it with a caption that says “here you go, boo. life is hard for me. really hard, actually. and i still manage to look like this. i hope this makes you happy. i tried to make it worth the wait.”
- the person who only contacts you when they want you to iyanlafixtheirlife. they try to make it about them. all the time. any time. every time. they even pick fights with you when you don’t let it be about them. do not confuse this person with a basic human being holding you accountable in a reciprocal relationship. this person: NEVER lets it be about you. when you tell them your feelings, they negate them. when you explain a problematic situation for you, they get angry as though it’s about them, and then angrier when you don’t handle it as though it were them in the situation. they pick fights with you when there is no drama. they … actually … you get it. so, just totally ignore this person.
- the person who wants to be the victim. the person who can never find any fault … in themselves … or their actions … ever … this person. they are constantly telling you how bad the world is to them, but can’t tell you not one thing they’ve done to or for the world
(which may be true depending on how you look at it) this person is delicate because, like, they’re hurting, right? you obvs want to save them. but, doing that may eventually lead to you somehow becoming their next victimizer. because what victim wants to be shown how their actions might have possibly contributed to anything they’re experiencing? how would they be the victim? watch out.
- the person who is only nice to you when your resources are being used to benefit them. run from this person. they will deplete you.
- the person who is nice to you then mean to you then nice to you then indifferent to you then angry at you then in love with you then completely over you then begging for your attention. this person can’t figure out how they feel for or about themselves. so trust me, they can not know how to accept, understand, or be consistent with you. run. fast.
the person who … nvm.
Because I said this was about you … and it really is … it’s about you giving all that you can in all the ways you can to yourself. It’s not about the person ho tries to deny you of that. It’s not about the person who tries to shame you for that. It’s not about the person who hates you because you do not do it in the 3.5 ways they’ve approved of for you. It’s about you being a kick ass bright and shining star. So, yea, keep doing that.
